I Tried To Be Sexy But Failed: A True, Personal Story Of My Horrible Date

Sometimes I think my life has just been a whole string of embarrassing things one after another. Some of them, I can have a great laugh telling my friends, but the rest are just too bad to share. At least in person. So, this time, it was a horrible date. I’d hoped that with all the matching websites now, I could get more success. But some of it’s down to me to get right, and apparently I’m not so good at that.

The guy I was going to dinner with was gorgeous,

and I wanted to be as sexy as possible. I went for my favourite outfit, and since I didn’t want any VPL to spoil my perfect night, I went with Full Commando leggings. They were slimming, and perfect with this short dress I’d got, and I had the exact shoes and handbag and necklace to go with it. Nothing could go wrong on my mission to seduce (I thought). I even got to the restaurant on time, even though the taxi driver got completely lost at one point, I swear. Determined to have a good night, I didn’t bring it up, just didn’t tip, and went on my way. Perhaps it was an omen. Anyway, I sashayed into the restaurant, and like a gentleman, he was already waiting for me – with a bottle of fine wine. I said hello, in what I hoped was a purr, but kind of sounded like I had something stuck in my throat. Never mind – cough and move on.

Now, I’d bought the wrong size leggings, and they were a bit tight, but I thought it would be fine; I just wouldn’t order too much – that’s sexy, right? He said the food was great there and we should order dessert to share later. I thought that dessert sounded great – and perhaps coffee after. At his place. I hoped it wasn’t too forward, but he seemed happy, so maybe it was. As the night went on, I was getting a bit warm, and a lot more uncomfortable. Perhaps those leggings were a bit too tight. Everything else was going great – I mean, I’d gagged slightly on an oyster, but I don’t think he noticed.

Then came the worst disaster of the evening and my horrible date had started

I went to feed him some of my jus, which was delicious, when I got a bit dizzy – and spilt it down him instead. That’s still okay, I hoped, apologising repeatedly. Turns out, after I declined dessert and suggested coffee, that it was. “I’ve had a lot of excitement for one night”, he said. And that’s the last I saw of him, and the end of my disaster-horrible date – of my own making. I didn’t realise it at first, but I was the one who bought the wrong size leggings - it wasn’t the Full Commando leggings fault (in fact they are very comfortable). It was me, and my bad luck.

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